I See Riku
by ChaseTheDarkness23
Summary: "It's hard to see past a mask, I know. But I just don't understand why people can't respect who I am. Never changing cycle of disrespect. He came into my life though, and he could see through the mask; see through me. No. He didn't see who everyone else chose to see; he saw who he knew was meant to be. He didn't see Rikku; he saw Riku." RiSo. FtM transgender story. Photo: JonneCat
1. The Ruse to Confuse

Have you ever done something that you thought other people were going to disapprove of you? Shun you away and block you completely out of their lives? Or have you done something because of being shunned away for attention? Drugs, cutting, alcohol?

I think that the reason for doing these things to yourself is because of loneliness. At least, that's why I think I do this to myself. There's so many scars on my body; scars on my heart that aches me so much. The struggles I deal with… they're insane sometimes and even I don't know how I've lasted through my 17 years.

Even now. Just laying on my bed at four in the morning due to the thudding tap of the rain pounding on my roof and window is driving me crazy. I haven't slept since the softball game, which was two days ago. My hand was just running up and down my bare stomach. Shirt was thrown off and I was laying there in just my bra and a pair of shorts. I looked past the double d's and just stared at my sculpted stomach. The most outstanding thing about it were my hip bones. They probably looked like someone could grip it just tightly enough and shatter them.

I sat up and stared out the window so that I wasn't thinking about my hips breaking anymore. My blonde hair fell to my shoulders which caused me to shiver a little bit. My aquamarine eyes stared out the window, following some of the raindrops as they tapped against the window and raced to the sill. Watching the rain made me feel at ease and more peaceful.

Like I could enjoy life for a while.

A smile crept to my face, the one dimple I had showed through, and I felt my eyes start to water a little bit. Why I was feeling this way I will never know.

So I let a sigh escape from my lips and I lifted myself off the bed. I needed some food so I figured I'd make a pizza. My older brother was probably awake by now, so I threw a black shirt on. He's disgusted whenever he sees me in just my bra, which he claims is gross if a girl isn't wearing a shirt around people. Yet he is allowed to hang around the house with only his boxer shorts on. Jerk.

Downstairs I went, hoping that maybe I got lucky and Kadaj was still in bed and decided to sleep in for once. He really needed it, especially since he's an insomniac. Honestly, all he ever thinks about is the goodness of his family. He's so superstitial, it's aggravating.

"Rikku? Good morning, sis." I heard from behind me. Shit.

"Morning Kadaj." I said, walking into the kitchen. I opened the freezer door and pulled out the Digiorno's Meat Lovers pizza box.

"You're going to get fat if you eat all that , Rikku." Kadaj said, staring at me. I looked at him, then I lifted my shirt to reveal my sculpture of a stomach.

"Nah, I think I'm good." yes, I totally just referenced Pitch Perfect.

"You never change, Rikku, I'll tell you that much." he said. I punched in the number 350 to preheat the oven as he spoke to me.

"Well I don't plan on changing anytime soon." I smiled, though that was a complete lie.

"Good. I love you sis." he said and walked out of the room. My smile fell once he had completely emerged from the room. I felt bad. Awful really.

Because I wasn't his sister.

* * *

Five o'clock eventually rolled around. Pizza just got done and I was practically burning my hands as I rushed the plate up to my room. I kept cursing, even almost tripped over myself, but I did make it back before I got 3rd degree burns (okay, so it wasn't THAT bad).

I sat down on the bed and I grabbed a slice of the pizza. The cheese was thick and nearly felt like I was pulling a long scarf out of a magician's sleeve and waiting for the end of it. Finally though it ripped off and I was able to eat the food in delight.

Then I started to just think. As I chewed the bite I had just taken, I started to think about my life, and my past. I don't remember when I first realized that I wasn't who I was born to be. Strange things were taking a turn for me at a young age, and I had known that I wasn't like everyone else. Normal people I suppose.

I think I was about seven years old before I realized this. Ten years ago, my aunt was getting married. Of course my family would be in the wedding. Kadaj was claimed to be the ring bearer and I was the flower girl. That deeply pissed me off when I was little. I wanted to bring them the rings, not drop petals down on the ground and have to pick them up later.

That's when my mom had to sit me down and explain to me the difference between boys and girls. She told me that girls are supposed to wear dresses, wear makeup, and be presentable to men (so that we could one day control those men to basically be our bitch).

None of it made sense. I didn't like what the girls had to do. I had never worn a dress before that. But when the wedding came, my mom brought out a plain white sundress for me to change into early that morning. I screamed, threw a tantrum, and I refused to wear the damn thing. It did no good though, because she forced me into it, yelled at me, and she slapped me when I got a pair of scissors and tried to cut it up while it was on me.

I chuckled at the lost memory of the first time I was seen in a dress. That was definitely an interesting day. Never again though did I wear a dress. I just threatened to not go if I had to wear a dress.

I finished that piece and grabbed another slice of the pizza. I suppose this would be my breakfast, seeing as now it's closing in on five thirty. Although school didn't start until seven, it was going to be time to take a shower and get ready for school. There are a lot of reasons why I would rather not go, although there were a lot of positives. It's a new school for one, so I could have a fresh start. Maybe people might even accept someone like me. Accept someone who has a boys soul inside of a girls body.

Maybe...

* * *

My thoughts finally went away so that I could finish the rest of the pizza. Six twenty-four was the time. Not bad to finish a large by myself. I smiled when I felt completely full and refreshed. I figured that since seven is when school starts, a shower is out of the question. So I went to the closet and looked around for whatever it is I would decide to wear, maybe I could even confuse people and make them think I'm a boy. I wonder how that would go.

I decided instead to go completely unisex. I grabbed a binder that was hidden away in my tote box and some ace bandage. I knew it'd be hard to get the binder on alone by myself, so the ace bandage was mainly to keep the binder from unhooking; but the tape did make it easier to compress.

I grabbed my black skinny jeans and threw them on. I was careful to grab the ones that were for men so that it looked more convincing. They hugged my hips nicely, showing off the "sex line" of my hip bones. I slipped on a pair of red and black vans and then threw on a Korn shirt. I looked up though at the silver wig hiding away on the shelf. It was very tempting to sneak it into the car and wear that instead of using my blonde hair. I'm not sure though...

I decided I would. I grabbed it and folded it into my bag, along with a nude wig cap. To be able to completely confuse people, I grabbed a few tools I use to sculpt out the roundness in my face. Two brushes and a palette of brown eyeshadow. I'd do it in the car so that Kadaj didn't stare at me when I walked downstairs. I grabbed a white eyeliner pencil too so that my brows matched my wig hair. Don't want people to know completely that my hair is fake.

All of those tools were hidden away now, and then I walked downstairs and headed out the door, waving Kadaj off when he shouted "bye" to me.

I sighed happily when the door shut, and it was all boy mode from there. I got into the car and revved the engine and then drove off. Six forty-five... Hmm. I think I can make it. I know where the school is at now.

I parked at a gas station, going inside and buying myself a code red Mountain Dew and a red bull. When I got to the car, I put the wig on and I rushed a quick makeup job to make me look male. Then I coloured my eyebrows and I knew that was completely ready now. And I drove off to school.

I hoped that I would be convincing enough.

* * *

I was so nervous and scared. I kept looking at myself in the mirror. My aquamarine eyes reflecting back at me, telling me that I wasn't good enough. They'd see through it.

I reached up and I almost took of the wig, but when I saw two girls look through the window, I merely scratched a spot on my head and then climbed out of the car. Those girls were blushing and smiling at me, so I just grabbed my bag and the Mountain Dew and walked to the entrance of the school. Now to prepare my voice...

"Rikku Dawn? Oh right in here!" I looked over and it was the secretary in the main office. "Good morning!" She said.

I coughed, trying to further make my voice a bit more like a growl instead of a squeak. "Good morning." Ha. Nailed it!

"So Im guessing you're mother didn't show you the school itself. Well it's relatively small. I can explain where the classes are easily. First floor is English and fine arts. If you look down the hall past the office is the cafeteria and gym. The music room is over there. And upstairs is history, math, and all sciences!" She was super happy...

"Small school. I think I will enjoy this." This voice sounds so much better...

"Yeah. It's not bad to work here. Okay, here is your schedule. Looks like your first class is upstairs Algebra II."

"Thank you."

"Have a good day, boy!"

Well. I convinced her.

* * *

I took a breath, two breaths, then checked to see if my wig was on properly and that there was no stray hairs of blonde. I walked in when I discovered that there were none.

I grabbed the knob... It turned. My heart was pounding for the response.

"Oh yes! The new g-boy! Everyone, this is Riku Dawn." The teacher said. She was average height and weight with nice curves-look away from those knockers- a curtain of long curly brown hair, and blue eyes. She was very pretty.

"Good morning." I smiled, my voice capturing a bit of the female I have. But when I heard how it sounded it seemed to fit. A lot of the girls' faces were written that they had immediately fallen for me, so the sound of my voice just made me feel more confident.

"Okay, well now, let's see... Do you see the girl in the back with red hair?" She pointed at a girl, and she raised her hand with a big smile.

"Hi! My name is Kairi!" She exclaimed. I smiled, and then I walked to the back of the room and claimed the seat beside her. It was the back of the room, and the person I say behind was a boy with fire red hair that was spiked back. And on the other side of me was a girl, hiding behind jet black hair. I looked at her, and she was doodling little chibi characters with guns and attacking "Society." Oh my.

"So, the project is going to be due next Friday. Rikku, I'm going to have you do a worksheet for me instead, since you haven't been here from the beginning for the assignment." She smiled. I nodded.

,She began to lecture us about basic trigonometry, and began writing notes on the board. I took out a notebook and my trusty blue pen and began. When I looked back though, there was a folded up piece of paper on the desk with my name on it. Except...

It said Riku.

Riku. The boy form of my name. Whoever this was from, they had been completely convinced. No way should I ignore it and correct them. No. I will be Riku. Riku is my name.

Riku Dawn.

It was perfect.

I escaped the trance, and I unfolded the paper. On it were words that were written in cursive, saying 'oh my god ur so fckin hot! Wat is ur #? We gotta hang! 3' -Kairi

Ah. So it was the red head beside me. Figures. There was no way I'd give her my number. I nearly couldn't decipher what she was trying to say on this paper. Why the hell would I try to do it on a cell phone?

So instead, I gave off an excuse. 'Sorry. I don't have a phone. Maybe one day we can hang out. I have unpacking to do still at home.' Okay, that was a complete lie, but I wasn't planning on that. I tossed it to her in a fluent motion so that the teacher didn't notice. Yeah, I was that good.

* * *

The day went on and I was, I guess, complete eye candy for everyone I saw. It was baffling honestly. Back at Destiny Islands High, Rikku wasn't this popular. But here at Twilight Town High, Riku was different.

Sheesh, I sound schizo...

I went on about the day, and now I was currently in my 4th period. I walked in, told the teacher my name and everything, and he told me to pick a seat. I was exhausted so I just picked the first one that was open. The back corner. I set my bag on the floor and I sighed when I sat down. I rubbed my temple and felt sweat. I was disturbed... My wig could fall off...

Fuck.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I blurted.

"Do you have a problem at the moment, Mr. Dawn?" The teacher called me out. "Stay sitting."

I was so fucked.

"Alright kids, let's get settled and start on the book work. Partners only today! No working alone!" He exclaimed, and the best friends and people who knew each other went to their friends. I was left alone.

I honestly didn't mind it either. I liked being by myself.

"Riku, you can work with Sora." He said, pointing over towards the window, on the opposite side of the room. I blinked, looking over and I saw a young boy turn his head. Sapphire orbs found my aquamarine ones, and on top of his head was a mop of chocolate spikes that would've looked horrible on anyone else. For him though, it added to his angelic face and his widened eyes and light blush.

He's cute.

"Sure." I said after a while, and I gathered my stuff and moved to where he was sitting.

"Rikku or Riku? Like, with one or two k's?" Sora asked when I approached him.

Hesitantly, I answered, "one." He nodded and wrote it down on his paper.

"You're a boy?" He asked. The hell...? Could he see past it?

"Uh, yeah." I replied, coughing a little and trying to keep my voice deep and cool.

"Hmm. Alright then." He said. What was with this kid?

"So it's on page 256. The book work? Don't mind Mr. Fair either. He's a pure pain in the ass." Sora smiled softly, handing me a blank sheet of paper. I nodded in thanks.

"I see." I replied, looking back at him. Up close, Sora looked even better. His eyes were more than just sapphire orbs; they were pure blue, as pure as the sky on a sunny day. His hair looked crazy and wild, but super soft, like he was born to have natural spikes in his hair. He had a light amount of freckles grazing his cheeks and nose, and his lips were pure pinkish and they were super shiny.

He was fucking adorable up close.

I wish I could pull off being a boy like that. He's wearing mascara and still looks like a boy.

Damn.

"... Ku? Rikuuuuu?" Sora asked. I jolted out of my thoughts.

"Sorry. What?" I replied.

"I said do you want to even do the worksheet or have me do it since you're new?" He asked. Good grief his voice was amazing too.

"I don't mind doing it." I said, looking straight at him with my aquamarine eyes. I was trying hard not to stare.

"How about we do it together? All the problems together? I'll write the answers." He smiled.

"Sure." I nodded. He smiled and he indicated the first answer.

"So basically what the chapter was about was the Cold War between America and the Soviet Union. Did you learn about that at your old school?" Oh... Fuck. I failed that part of history.

"Yeah. I don't remember it though. I failed that part of history class." I answered in shame.

"That's alright! History is my thing." He smiled, then looked back down and read off, "what kind of war was the Cold War? What was the war about?"

"Wasn't it a war of words? There was no battle physically, only verbally." I answered.

"Yes." He smiled, writing down almost exactly what I said, but then he wrote more down and I figured that it was the second part of the question.

We worked on the paper, I was only responsible for answering the easy problems right now. However, we finished quickly and turned it in, having an extra 20 minutes of down time.

"So Riku, tell me a bit about yourself." Sora smiled.

"Well, I mean there isn't much special about me. I like to play guitar and sing though." I said.

"Singing is so fun." Sora smiled.

"Maybe we'll do a song together." I said, and that earned me a soft blush from him.

"That'd be fun. I've never been offered to do that." He said.

"Well don't get used to it. Some people aren't confident enough with their guitar playing sometimes." I said. Truthfully as well.

"I suppose that's true. I also like to write." He said.

"Write what exactly?"

"Anything really. But I mainly enjoy writing a lyric poem, like song lyrics." He blushed a bit.

"I'm not too good at writing lyrics. I'm better at making the music. My old band I was apart of, they wrote the lyrics for all of our songs. Though when they kicked me out they tried to take the music I made. I burned them all instead and took all of the recordings." I explained. I remember that day so well. Ugh. When Cloud and Leon told me they thought I was a freak when I told them about my true self... They were my best friends. How could they just drop me like that? Snow didn't say anything either... Just stood there.

Bastards.

"I'm sorry..." Sora mumbled a bit.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled a bit. "Just another lost memory." That got him to perk up and smile a bit.

"Do you play video games?" He asked.

"I do sometimes... But I honestly play sports and work out more." I turned my head so that the teacher didn't see or anyone else. Nobody was watching, and I lifted my shirt for the boy to see the sculpture on my body.

"Whoa..." His eyes widened. "Are you a body builder?"

"Not even close. I hate weightlifting. I run, do situps and pushups. I mean I do weight lift but I couldn't become a bodybuilder." I said. Literally, all bodybuilders looked like plastic dolls with a human head on the body.

"I don't do sports or work out. I do cardio to keep my figure small, but I mainly laze around and eat sweets all day." He giggled softly.

"I'll admit, I have a bit of a sweet tooth. I'm also addicted to code red and energy drinks."

"Monster!"

"Red bull and Venom for me." I smiled.

"Ewwww red bull tastes like pee!" Sora exclaimed, earning a shush from Fair.

"Sorry..." Sora blushed a bit.

Then the bell rang. Most of the class didn't finish (because of the loose chatter), so it was homework. Thankfully sora and I kept our focus.

"I'm heading off to lunch. I'll see you." Sora said.

"Yeah, later." I said, waved him off and started walking for my fifth class.

* * *

A/U: hey guys! I know I've been kinda dead in the fanfiction world, but no worries! I'm alive and updating :) I run out of ideas for my other stories a lot. Mainly because I don't really try on them.

I know there's already a transgender story on fanfiction, but this sprung on me and I couldn't pass it up. I'm a female to male transgender, and the one that is on fanfic is about a male to female. I thought it'd be interesting to combine Rikku and Riku, especially since they look pretty similar and have the same coloured eyes too.

There are going to be a lot of twists and events. This is basically going to be close to about myself. Being in the situation of being transgender makes writing this story so much easier and I do hope I have full support of the story and my choice to transition in the future. I fully embrace that I'm male and I am definitely going to change my body so that I am correct to everyone.

I love you guys, and happy fanfictioning

-Xander


	2. To Know a Trans Girl

**Hey guys :) **

**Xander here once again with a new chapter. I got outstanding reviews! (discussed at the AU) I feel so much better now that I'm writing this story. I was really worried at first for it… But after the reviews I got, I feel more confident to actually finish this story out. I'm trying my best not to make it an exact copy of "He Gets It" which is also a Kingdom Hearts transgender story, but Sora is a male to female transgender in that story. My inspiration is from that, but this story is actually for the FtM's out there. I know that there are actually more MtF's, and myself being an FtM, this story hits my heart well as I write it. I appreciate you all enjoying the idea that Rikku/Riku are the same person :) If you put their pictures side by side, you can name their similar features (the main thing that got me was their eyes)**

** Anyway. I'll be done rambling on. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Flash is my own character. There may be a lot introduced throughout the story honestly.**

* * *

The rest of the day went on like that; me going into the classes and introducing myself. Girls giggling when I walked by, and partner work coming up and maybe one or two people actually wanted to work with me. Mainly the girls, which I worked with a girl named Paine. She wasn't starstruck crazy for me or anything; thought that my hair colour was great and wanted to know if it was natural or not. I said I had dyed it, so it was kind of a lie. But I didn't say it was natural, because I don't know anyone who has natural silver hair.

Lunch found me at the end of 5th period, meaning that the kids-Sora- were coming out of A lunch. I saw him, but he was walking off, arms locked with someone. I looked at who it was, and it was a bit of an older guy. Senior looking, while Sora I think was a freshman or sophomore. He had blonde hair that was really spiky. Was he Sora's boyfriend? Maybe a best friend. They looked pretty similar. I might ask him later.

"Hi, Riku!" I felt someone bump into me as I walked. I looked down, seeing Kairi there with a smile, then walked off to get herself to class.

I decided that I'd sit alone today. Watch the students that just continued to chat with their friends. Glanced at the differences between one side of the room to the next. Goth kids to the popular kids. Dark to the pink. Pretty girls and trashy girls. Douchebags and nice guys. They were all so… different.

I decided to actually sit with a group. There were no empty tables, so why the hell not. The binding was making me light headed anyway, so I headed towards the darker side. There were a few people that saw me and felt 'he's one of us.' But maybe this was the group that could figure out the ruse I was pulling. Discover that my parts aren't what everyone else thought.

"Who are you?" a girl asked me. Her hair was short and kind of spiked off to the left, showing that the right side of her head was completely shaved. Her lips were drastically red, with definition of blood red in the center of her mouth that darkened to black towards the edge of her lips.

"Name's Riku." I said. "New kid." I kept my voice cool.

"Take a seat." The redhead from first period said to me. I followed the command.

"Name's Axel. No need to forget it either." He said, smiling brightly. His eyes were striking green that seemed to sparkle. He wore black eyeliner in a cats eye and had-tattoo's or makeup- two upside down tear drops on his cheeks.

"Riku. One K." I said.

"Everyone calls me Flash." The red lip girl said. Then everyone else began to list off their names. Zexion, Luxord, and Demyx.

"I had really hoped a girl would join us someday!" Demyx shouted.

"Excuse me that I'm the only girl, fuck head!" Flash exclaimed, tossing a french fry at the boy.

"The long hair made me think you were. I mean, you kind of look like a girl, Riku." Ahhh I knew it.

"Demyx is just mad because a real girl isn't with the group." Flash said to me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I kinda did wonder. I leaned back in my seat and wasn't prepared for the next response.

"Male to female transgender." I was kind of confused. Transgender?

"That's pretty cool." I smiled.

"So tell me Riku," she came to my ear and whispered, "you are too aren't you?" I looked at her, and my eyes were curious.

"You don't know what it means?" I shook my head. "Time to educate!" she adjusted the way she was sitting. She began to talk about how she was originally born with a male body. I got a bit weary because in no way shape or form could this possibly be a dude… could it? Then I looked down… and on the front of her pants, I saw a bulge that was barely visible on black pants. I even looked up at her chest, and saw that she was stuffing, but whatever was in the shirt, bra, whatever might've been underneath, was slipping away and becoming obvious that she was flat chested.

She then told me how much she adored the makeup her mom wore; the barbie dolls her sister, Namine was her name, played with. Hated that Namine's hair could grow out and her hair had to stay short. How most of everything she went through was completely unfair.

"You deal with it too don't you?" she asked. I couldn't be sure if I should've told her. Though she seemed to already have seen through the mask I put on. The wig that didn't look natural. The binding that was impossible to do by myself. The fact that there wasn't a bulge in my pants that indicated a penis.

The body that wasn't mine.

"Yeah." I slowly replied to her question. She grabbed my hand, and lead me somewhere. Towards the bathrooms. We looked around, seeing nobody and she slipped me into the boys bathroom.

"I don't mind getting caught in here, but I don't want to embarrass you either." she stated after making sure there was nobody in here. Then she locked the door. "Take the wig off and your shirt. I'm gonna help you fix up a bit." she said as she took off her own grey vest and black shirt.

On her chest was a black and pink lacy bra with a little pink bow in the center. She removed the silicon breasts and adjusted her bra a bit over her male chest, then shoved the foam breasts into the cups of the bra and fitted it just right. She did it… so easily. And although she had a male body, she looked so female, beautiful.

And then she was removing the ace bandage and binder. I looked away when my own double d's fell out of the binder. I felt disgusted that I could feel them there. That they even existed. Hated it. She took off the wig cap I left on, and she commented on how pretty my natural hair was. I didn't plan on keeping it though. Did plan on bleaching it that silvery colour. The curtain of silver that described Riku and proved that Riku existed.

"So I'm guessing that your actual name is Rikku, with an extra K." Flash broke the silence in the bathroom.

"That'd be correct." I said, normal voice. My girl voice.

"I'm very jealous of your body, hair, and voice." Flash smiled. "But I gotta say, when I saw you I just thought to myself 'Mhmm…. I'd love to bang him.'" it made me chuckle a little.

"I guess I can say thanks?" I smiled. She was putting my thick and long blonde hair into a tight bun that stuck to my head. Bobby pin after bobby pin was being shoved into my natural hair to keep the shape of my head looking natural.

"You need a few piercings." Flash said when she was pinning the hair around my ears.

"What?" I said.

"Yeah. A few spike studs will complete your look. Maybe even a nose or lip ring." she stuck her tongue out. "I got my tongue pierced when I was 15." she smiled. The ball of her ring had a rainbow on it. It was fitting for her.

"I'll think about it." I smiled, and I left Flash to her work, which she finished quickly. She put the nude cap back onto my head and then put the wig on. "Hold on. Let's make it a little interesting." she smiled, and got out some styling gel from her purse. She took a bit of the gel and started to make subtle spikes in my bangs and the hair that draped to my shoulders. It wasn't intense as Sora's, but it made me think of the boy's wild chocolate spikes, and I smiled.

"Hmm…" uh oh… "you need some sort of distinguishing eyeliner if you're going to be in our group." then I remembered how everyone else at the table had some form of makeup on. Axel with the cat eyes and face tattoo's, Flash had heavy black makeup, Zexion wore black eyeshadow and blue on his waterline, Demyx had a bit of black eyeliner but pink shadows. And then Luxord. He wasn't an eyeliner guy, but he made fake scratches on his cheek, and his ears were just loaded with studded earrings. This was the crew that were just social rebels. I liked it.

"Do something for me then." I said. And she smiled, then grabbed a black liquid liner from her bag. She didn't do much. Did what the average girl did to be subtle. But.. I felt her make a line up and down my eye; the top nearly touched my white coloured brow and dipped down to where Axel's tattoo's may have stopped. I looked at myself in the mirror. I could not have looked anymore… gayer. But. The eyeliner combined with what I had done earlier made my face, for whatever reason, look much more masculine.

Sexy. Rebellious.

"Riku, you look hot. I really would bang you." Flash smiled, then started to put her clothes back on. It was a very strange 10 minutes, but Flash made me looked better, and I felt more confident that I'd be looking even better. Flash got dressed, and she helped me finish putting my binder and ace bandage on. Adjusted my breasts into the binder to look like pecks. When she was satisfied (and myself) I put my shirt back on.

And that word.

Transgender.

Is that what I really am? Flash is male to female. Can a transgender person be female to male too? I wasn't sure… I'd ask her.

* * *

Flash gave me her cell phone number. Told me to call her in the morning. She wanted me to pick her up for school so that we could help each other dress more appropriately.

Lunch ended, and I was heading to my sixth class. My guitar class. I smiled that I was taking a class on something I knew well about. I wasn't expecting to see there though…

Sora and my cousin, smiling at each other.

I could've died right there if I could've.

I sat as far away from those two as possible, and hid away in the shadows, avoiding the gaze of my cousins blue eyes. The two were laughing with each other, and I honestly don't remember the last time I saw him with that guitar.

"Oh Hey, Riku!" I heard a shout.

Fuck.

The small brunette noticed me. Though it looked like 'he' didn't realize who I was.

"Hmm? Oh hey Sora." I said, keeping my cool. He looked appalled that I had on the strange eyeliner, but his cheeks flared, and I knew he was watching me like I was eye candy. So fucking adorable.

"Come join us!" So I did. I sat beside the brunette.

"Riku, this is my friend Tidus." he smiled. I waved at him.

"Sup, Riku? Ya know, I have a cousin named Rikku, but she's a girl." Tidus started chuckling a bit.

"Didn't you tell me that she's like insanely hot?" Sora said, smiling a bit.

"Yeah man! Ugh, if she wasn't my cousin, shit…" he smiled, a dark gaze creeping into his eye. I didn't like it.

"You should totally hook me up!" Sora said.

"What about you and…?"

"Axel? Yeah that's not working out…" Huh… the redhead with the tats.

"Isn't Roxas really into him? Maybe you should introduce them." Tidus said.

"I guess I could… I mean, Axel literally wanted me for sex, and he wasn't getting any." Sora stated firmly. I slightly chuckled at that, but it was low enough to where those two didn't hear it. They continued to talk about me, and eventually, Tidus pulled a picture from his cell phone and showed him the picture. I recognized it too. It was from when he and I went to Destiny Islands Water Park last year. I was in my golden bikini and a pair of jean shorts, my blonde hair was still dry, but it was much longer back then, caressing my lower back. Last year I was okay with hanging out with Tidus. He was a good person. Was my favourite cousin at that.

"...ku? Riku!" reality came back.

"Yeah?" I said.

"We should totally go and meet this Rikku girl!" Sora smiled. Oh Sora… if only you knew why that'd be a bad idea.

"I don't think so." I said.

"What? Why not?" reason…. whats a good reason?

"She looks trashy." damn. maybe a bit too much…

"Trashy? How!?" Tidus got up in my face at this point. What the hell?

"She shows off too much skin. Who knows if she does that normally?" I asked, knowing full well that I don't, but, ya know.

"I can assure you, she isn't a slut or a whore. Whatever it is you're trying to say about her."

"I'm not saying anything about her. She just doesn't look my type and I don't want to meet her." I kept my eyes away from looking at Tidus. The strands of the wig covered my sea-green eyes with ease.

"Tidus, let it go already." Sora said, pushing him away gently.

"I won't sit back and listen to some kid insult my favourite cousin."

"You seem so infatuated with her, Tidus." I said. He blushed softly.

"That's not it at all!" He shouted.

"Boys!" Sora shouted, this time pushing Tidus much harder. "Enough!" he said, his eyes going hard and piercing.

"Tch… fine. Whatever. You'll pay for this, faggot." he said, then walked off to the other side of the room. That word… it actually hurt me a bit. Not sure why.

"I don't know what his problem is… he's never like that." Sora said. He then turned around to face me. "I'm sorry about him Riku."

"Don't sweat it." I said. I sat beside Sora and we stayed quiet for the rest of the period. Tidus' face burning into my mind.

* * *

The last period was alright. Flash had it with me, which was modern art. I sat with Flash who was sitting with a smaller girl. She had a white fluffy blouse on, white jeans and blue flip flops. Her nails were painted a lavender purple, and her shoulder blade length blonde hair was swayed to the left and curled a little. Pretty cute.

"Oh yeah! Riku, this is my sister Namine." Flash introduced me to the young sophomore. I smiled at her, and she blushed a little.

There wasn't much to be done for me. I just sat there while everyone else was finishing up their projects from earlier in the week. I watched Flash work away at the watercolour painting of an angel. Vibrant pinks, blues, and yellows were splashed along the wings, and she was almost naked. A cloth draped from her waist and along her thighs to cover up her parts. Black hair was caressing along the breasts to cover her chest, but it was shown that there was only a small indication of breasts. then I noticed that the cloth had a bit of a bulge to it… what?

"Flash?" she looked up. "Can you explain to me what the meaning behind this painting is?" I asked.

"My emotions." she stated as she continued to carefully run the brush along the angel wings, which they were torn up and drooping down, expressing her saddened emotion on the angel's face.

"It's beautiful." I said. she nodded a thanks at me, and continued her work. I watched, engrossed in the image. I glanced at Namine's piece, noticing that she was watercolouring a drawing too. Only this one was of a girl with blonde hair that was fading into red and then black blowing a kiss at a spider lily flower. Tears were flowing from the girls unseen eyes. Both Namine and Flash were so talented.

"Girls, your pieces are just beautiful." I heard a voice that broke my gaze from the picture. I looked up and saw the teacher standing there. Black hair that laid as a curtain against her back and brown eyes that were lit up by Flash's painting. Both the girls were in a trance as they worked, so they didn't even notice the comment.

"You're Rikku, aren't you?" she asked. I looked up.

"Yes. With one K." I said.

"Really? Cause on the grade book I have it with two." she stated.

"I choose to spell it with one." I said. She was curious, and called me to her desk.

"You're name isn't unisex. It's the female form."

"It's my mom. She wanted to name me Rikku, regardless of gender." I said.

"... you are friends with Flash right?" she asked. I looked at the blonde girl, then back at the teacher.

"Yeah." I said.

"Are you transgender?"

"What?" I asked immediately. Could she see through it? Could she tell? Why can't people be like Kairi and Sora and just leave me alone about that stupid question?

"You're really a girl aren't you." She still kept her voice at a whisper so that nobody could hear.

"..." I stayed silent.

Irritation was building up from her interrogation. I was highly annoyed, even felt my hands clench into a loose fist.

She smiled, giggling slightly, and I eased my muscles.

"Don't worry. I won't tell. I didn't even notice until I saw the name." she winked, and motioned me to sit. I didn't turn back immediately, but I did eventually, and I sat down beside Flash and proceeded to watch her paint.

Yeah, my experience here was certainly going to be memorable.

* * *

"Riku!" I heard a shouted as I was heading for my car. This wig really needed to come off.

I turned around, seeing the red head, Kairi. "Hey Kairi." I sighed, opening the car door and tossing my stuff in the back seat. So tempted to take off the wig...

"So I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later?" she asked. Oh yeah. Just what I need. More estrogen to hang out with. Okay, that was really bad and uncalled for, I apologize, hehe...

"...Sorry Kai. I already made plans with Sora." I said. It was a lie, but I didn't want to hang out with her.

"Oh… right. I see." she said, looking really hurt. "I'll see you later then." and she ran off to one of her other friends. A girl with orange hair in pigtails. I rolled my eyes, then climbed into the car and started driving.

I saw many kids beginning to get on the bus and others walking home. Then I noticed Sora.

"Sora!" I shouted when I rolled my window down. He looked up, and with a smile, he waved at me. He began to break into a run, aiming to go across the street. I had to stop him. "Need a ride?" I asked. He almost looked appalled that I had asked, and he slowly approached my window.

"I wouldn't want to be a bother… besides, I don't go home after school. I just hang around town." It was so tempting to go to my house, but I was worried about Kadaj seeing me like this.

Then I really began to think, and remembered that Kadaj was going over to our cousins place to hang out with Loz and Yazoo. My parents were still at work. Nobody was going to be home.

"Want to come to my house?" I asked.

"S-Sure!" He said, and he ran to the other side of the car, climbed in, and I drove off.

First I hit the gas station to get some more Mountain Dew. I swear, I'm addicted. "You want anything? Just let me know, alright?" I smiled when we were walking inside. I grabbed two big cans and two of the 20 oz. bottles of Code Red.

"Can I get a coke?" he asked. I nodded and I went towards the snacks and chips. I grabbed a big bag of Doritos. "Sora, do you want a snack?" I asked. He shook his head. I shrugged a bit when all he had was the small can of coca cola.

We got in line, and then he finally said something to me, but I was a bit appalled by the first thing he said.

"Why did you put that on?" I was startled at the question at first, thinking he meant the wig, but realized that he had meant the eyeliner.

"Flash got ahold of me at lunch today. Said I'd look good with spikes and eyeliner. Personally, I don't like it, but she does."

"Flash is strange… my boyfriend Axel hangs out with her. The way she looks and how rebellious she is in class, it scares me. Shocks me too that she's not even a girl. But she's pretty." he smiled. I smiled at him too.

"She is really pretty, I agree."

"Do you like her?" his eyes were curious.

"Mmm… not my type." I replied, setting the snacks and drinks on the counter.

"What is your type? he asked. Nosy boy. It was cute.

"Adorable little boys and girls." Ew. That sounded really pedophillic. I paid, and we headed to the car.

"So you mean like people who are a couple years younger right?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm not into little kids. Trust me." I said. Kadaj is childish enough, and he's in his twenties.

"Good to know." and I felt a hint of a smirk form on Sora's lip.

We got in the car and immediately I attacked the Doritos. I was so hungry and lunch, I barely ate anything. I just started shoving chip after chip into my mouth as I drove off into the direction of my home.

"Keep eating like that and you're going to get fat!" Sora laughed, poking my stomach.

"Wow, you and my brother are one in the same." I smiled. He laughed, and I knew it was going to be a great day.

* * *

**Hopefully this fic is actually going to get somewhere in life XD I don't know how long it took to write this chapter. But I keep doing it in class. Bad Xandy! **

**I really appreciated your comments btw. And the ftm who reviewed as well. I am an ftm and I know how you feel. But literally, his thoughts are my thoughts. Also, I am open for suggestions from any other trans person about anything really. I'm not familiar with the mtf side, but I have a lot of friends who are and I've based Flash off of them. **

**Keep reviewing and I hope that you stay with us trans folk**

** -Xander**


	3. An Unwelcome Home

**Chapter 3, holy shit! :o**

**Anyway. Not sure where this chapter will lead us. Mainly because I'm just sitting in my Criminal Justice class as everyone else is watching a movie. Shit, it's loud and kinda startling. So much F-bombs are being used in it xD I lost count honestly within the first 20 minutes of the movie. **

**Anyway. Yeah. More info will be given in the AU. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Flash is my own character. Don't steal her.**

* * *

I was sure to carefully look and see if Kadaj's car was still there. There was nothing parked in the driveway, so I drove up the hill and towards the house. We climbed out of the car, and as I grabbed my stuff from the backseat, he was in awe at my home's structure.

"Oh wow!" Sora exclaimed, "It's huge!"

"Really?" it was only a two story home with a garage and a shed in the backyard. There was a lot of land though, so maybe that's what he was talking about. I think we have two acres of land, but my dad planned on expanding the house. Apparently we need the space, but I disagree.

"Yeah! I mean… my house isn't this awesome." Sora whispered a bit. He sounded… really upset. I placed a hand through his chocolate locks, and oh my FUCK his hair is so soft. I'd be happy to cuddle with this kid at night.

"Well it isn't a mansion Sora. It's just a house." I smiled, and lead him towards the 'fancy' looking door, and walked inside. There was complete silence when he and I entered, and I just dropped my bag by the door, taking a sip of the Mountain Dew.

"It's so beautiful in here." He smiled.

"Dude, it's the foyer." I slightly chuckled at him, and I walked towards the kitchen and set down the Doritos and Mountain Dew. I need to remember to stop and get a 2-Liter.

Sora took a seat by the breakfast bar, gazing around the house. "So your parents are like super super rich huh?" he asked.

"Richer than the average person I suppose. My mom is a cop, but my dads a CEO for Apple." I stated calmly. Meaning that there were nights my parents didn't come home. It was really troubling.

"Wow! So you get like all the Apple gear?" Sora was so intrigued with my life. My rich life. Ugh. I didn't even enjoy it.

"Yeah. My laptop is the new MacBook Pro, and I have an iPhone 5s." I remember vaguely that I needed to text Flash tonight to let her know I'm still coming over in the morning. Gotta get the address too.

"I don't have a computer at home. I just have my old BlackBerry phone." he sighed a little bit, and I felt pretty apologetic at first. I couldn't bring myself to say anything either. Didn't have any words to that comment.

The house phone rang, startling the both of us in our breathing silence. I went towards the wall phone, and picked it up. "Hello?" I said.

"Rikku! Okay, you're home. How was your day?" it was my mother. Ugh.

"Fine I guess. Made a couple friends today." I said, still using my male voice, which troubled her.

"Rikku, are you alright? You sound a bit funny today…" she said. I flinched, and I responded quickly.

"I'm fine, mother." I said.

"Well… okay. Anyway, I need you to make sure that all of the stuff from the shed is back in your room and Kadaj's. Where's he at?"

"Loz and Yazoo's."

"I figured. He really worries me…"

"Same here." I said.

"Well anyway, I have to get back. I'm actually in the middle of an interrogation. Pedophile's…" she sounded really aggravated at it too. I understand. Kiddie diddlers… bleh.

"Knock em' dead, mom. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye." and we hung up. I motioned Sora to follow me, and we went outside and to the shed out back.

"That was your mom?" Sora asked. I nodded at his question, then opened the large door.

"She wanted me to get some stuff and take it to mine and my brother's room." I said. I handed him the smaller boxes that were for my room, and then I grabbed the big boxes for Kadaj's room.

"What kind of work does she do?" Sora asked as we walked back to the house.

"She's an investigator. Her current case is on a seven year old girl. She was raped two nights ago." I saw Sora shudder at that. I hate pedophile's, and I'm pretty sure he would agree.

"I hate men sometimes. Older men, who think they can do anything and get away with it." He said calmly, but I could hear a bit of shakiness in there. He got quiet real fast, and his head was dipped down to where he was looking down at the ground.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Y-Yeah." he whispered. Then he perked up, looked at me, and he looked like he wanted to ask me something.

"Have you ever been raped before?" Sora asked. I was startled by the question, but I had to deeply think about if I wanted to say my answer…

"Yeah." I responded calmly. I opened the door and let Sora in first. He stopped though, and he was staring at me. I got really uncomfortable suddenly as those blue orbs were watching me.

"You have..?" he whispered.

"I'm over it, so it's okay." I said, hoping that the subject would drop.

"Why? Why is it okay?" he asked. I honestly wasn't sure about my answer. Was it okay? No, of course it wasn't. It still hurts and it happened last summer too.

"Because I don't have to think about it anymore." I mean, I didn't have to think about it. I still do though. Especially since I go to school with the guy now.

I lead Sora upstairs and I set the boxes on the floor in Kadaj's room, leading Sora into my room. My room looked fairly unisex, so I don't think he'd question anything. He set the boxes on my desk, then he sat down on my bed. I was standing, leaning against the wall.

"...Who was it?" he asked after a while.

"You're not obligated to know." I stated.

"Sorry." he said. We both became silent for a while. He looked around at the blue colour of my walls. Felt the blue sheets on my queen sized bed. Gazed at the pictures I had around my room, which were all drawings given to me by my friends. I had some stuff to hang that I've drawn before, though I don't really think I'm a Flash or a Namine. I kinda suck actually.

He kept glancing around my room, let his fingers graze along some of the trinkets and miscellaneous items on my desk and dresser.

That's when he noticed the picture of me, of Rikku, there on my dresser, tucked away behind an old candle and a Gameboy.

"Hey. Isn't that Rikku?" I glanced up when he saw it. "I thought you didn't know her?" he asked.

"I didn't want to admit it in front of Tidus, cause I know how protective he is. She's my ex." I said, the lie coming out of my mouth as it came quickly as a thought. "She kept me a secret from her family, not sure what they'd think of me." I said. Now that part was true; my family didn't know about Riku. I am afraid of what they'll say. I am afraid they'll shun me away.

"You're an amazing guy. How could they not like you?" Sora asked. I shrugged slightly, making him frown a bit at me.

"Hey." I looked at him. "Don't think so low about yourself."

"How can you tell?"

"Tidus is my friend." and he was giggling and he started to poke my stomach, forcing me to chuckle slightly.

"I will give you that, Sor." I smiled. He smiled. And I knew I wasn't alone when he was here. I felt bad that I had lied to him, but I wasn't sure if I should tell him just yet. He may shut me out and throw me to the curb. I don't know if he'd accept me, although he knows about Flash, he's dating her friend.

Which that made the question come out of my lips.

"So you and Axel, huh?" his smile faded when I did ask, and he looked away.

"I guess you could say that. I'm probably going to end it though, cause I just don't like him in that way anymore." he shrugged.

"I haven't had a relationship for a long time." I said.

"You're bisexual right?" he asked.

"Pansexual actually," I stated. "but it really doesn't matter if you put a label on it."

"Oh, so you're into anything?"

"More or less, yeah." I smiled.

"I'll be honest I'm not sure what I am. I mean, I could be gay, but there have been girls that I've actually said 'Whoa. I would totally kiss her.'" he blushed a little, making me chuckle.

"It's alright to be confused about that." I said.

"Yeah." he smiled.

"By the way… who was that blonde you were walking with after lunch ended today?"

"Oh, Roxas? He's my older brother." he smiled. "We're really close."

"I could see." I smirked.

"Stalker." he stuck his tongue out at me. Every other thing he said he'd make me smile and laugh. I don't remember the last time someone was able to make me smile this much. Not since I hung out with Tidus all the time. He lost my trust and I haven't really found any reason to smile since.

Sora though. He came into my life. I couldn't be sure how to describe my feeling at this moment. I knew something was beginning to develop between the two of us; a slight mixture of chemistry forming between us. The bond we were making. I had no idea what was going to happen in the future, but I wasn't afraid and I wasn't scared.

Things just felt right between us.

* * *

I took Sora home at around 4:30. It gave him enough time to beat his mom home and enough time for me to get out of my boy clothes before Kadaj came back home. I waved Sora off and proceeded to adventure my way home. I took the wig off when I turned the corner, pulling my hair out of the bun and letting it fall to my chest. I could see the sweat dripping from my bangs, and I knew I was heading to the shower immediately when I got home.

I left the wig in the center console so that Kadaj and my parents didn't see it. I figured I should bring my clothes to Flash's in the morning instead of wearing my clothes. Just so that my mom didn't think anything.

I parked the car and ran inside, immediately getting some other clothes from my drawers; a simple pair of black shorts, a white tank top, orange ankle socks, and a bra.

I made my way downstairs and I locked myself in the bathroom. Solitude for the next half hour. I smiled.

I turned on some music too. Dethklok blaring through small speakers that my parents decided to set up for me. I had left the iPod there in the bathroom this morning, so the battery was fully charged. I could escape in my world of music.

But I got out of my clothes, struggled to get my binder off a little bit, and I turned the bath water on to be slightly scolding.

When I slipped my body into the water, I laid back and my mind was racing. I realized that shuffle was turned on when I heard a song by Ashes Remain play, and it made me think even more. About the body, about Flash's body. About her.

Then I thought about Sora.

I was blushing when I thought about his voice, about his smile, about his eyes. Those shining blue orabs that were mesmerizing to look into. His hair was so soft to touch, and felt like there was barely any hairspray and spike gel in it. I felt it but it was soft and suited Sora.

My daydreams were going forward and turning into a fantasy. Him and me just laying in bed, staring at each other…

"_Riku?" he asked._

"_Hmm?" I just made a small noise. I couldn't say anything due to the lack of sleep I had already suffered from. Staying up this late and being in the bed with him was making me want to sleep but stay awake at the same time. I didn't want to fall asleep. Afraid he was going to leave. My wig was on, pinned like hell to my head so that it didn't move while I was asleep; that is if I even fall asleep._

"_Do you ever want to have another relationship?" he asked._

"_Maybe. I don't know. it depends on the person I suppose." he shifted on the bed and sat up._

"_Well. Is there anyone you had in mind?" he asked._

"_... Kind of. I've been going crazy for one person ever since I came to Twilight Town." _

"_Who?" he asked._

"_I shouldn't say it." I whispered. There was hesitation in my voice, I could feel it._

"_You can tell me. We're friends, you and I." he smiled. I looked into his eyes, and I felt worried about the response I wanted to say. _

"_I think I really like you Sora." I said. I could see that small smile that crept on his face, knowing well that he felt the same. He turned his body and he pressed a kiss to my cheek. Then he dipped to my ear, lowering his voice and whispering, "I like you. A lot." _

_I wanted to be scared. I wanted to push him away because if I continued to get infatuated with him, we'd be living a lie within wherever our bond gets us to._

_But I didn't push him away. My body was frozen under him. I felt his pink lips softly kissing my cheek again, and they moved from near my ear to the corner of my mouth. His breath was hot and he was breathing heavy. He was nervous and unsure. So I made the decision for him. I moved my face enough to capture those soft lips and get lost in them. _

_The touch and feeling of his pink mouth on mine was indescribable. I was being consumed by those lips, and it was just such a Devine feeling. So dramatic and let it was just a soft kiss. I didn't even realize that the kiss quickly ended while I was trying to determine my opinion on the moment in the kiss._

_"Riku?"_

_"Yes, Sora?"_

_"You're drowning. You need to wake up." Wait what?_

I realized I had slipped under the water and fallen asleep. I brought myself up and it was gasping for air. The song Reaping Requiem was playing. I shrugged a bit after I had gotten my breath back, and I started washing myself. Shampoo in my hair, scrubbed my body, and I quickly got out, not knowing if anyone was back yet.

I dressed myself and I turned the iPod off. I glanced out the door and I could hear laughter coming from upstairs. I knew it had to be Kadaj, but there was an unfamiliar voice. I threw my clothes in the hamper beside the bathroom sink, then crept upstairs to his room.

I peeked inside, seeing Kadaj on the bed, and there beside him was that bastard.

Cloud.

"What are you doing here?" I snapped through the crack of the door. Last time I saw him was back in 9th grade. When I told the band about me.

"What are you doing talking to me?" He asked. I growled.

"You're just an asshole, you know that right?" I asked, a smirk crept on my face.

"C'mon, just go away you freak." I stared at the blank door, and I felt my eyes burn. I bit my lip to try and conceal the sound of a sob. The tears streamed down my face and I ran to my room. I slammed the door and locked it. I was breathing hard. "Get a grip, Riku... Get a hold of yourself." I stammered through choked sobs. I calmed myself, and I got my acoustic out of the closet...

I needed this.

I felt my calloused fingers grip the strings and I started to play a soft lullaby. I think I could sing it... But I don't know.

"Do you remember when we were just kids and cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss?

Schoolyard conversations taken to heart.

And laughter took the place of everything we knew we once were.

I want to break every clock.

The hands of time could never move again.

We could stay in this moment.

For the rest of our lives,

Is it over now hey, hey is it over now?

I want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have.

I want to be your last first kiss..." and I stopped playing, a pool of tears falling and I tossed the guitar down and shoved my face into a pillow.

Our song. Mine and his. His and mine. Cloud and Rikku.

Because he never cared for Riku and he never would.

"Rikku?" I heard a knock. It was Cloud.

"What?" I snapped.

"... Nothing." He said. Then I heard his footsteps fade back into Kadaj's room. I rolled my eyes at it.

I wiped my eyes and I went downstairs to make some food. Enough for me. Nobody else. Except I saw my dad sitting there. "Hi dad." I said.

"Hey missy." He smiled, kissing my cheek.

"How was work?" I asked, walking to the pantry for something.

"It was alright. Would you like to go out to dinner?" He asked. It took me off guard, but I thought about it for a moment. "Mom is meeting me somewhere and she wanted me to ask. We never see you anymore, Rikku."

"Sure." I smiled. I shut the door and I went upstairs to change into some pants and I put on a shirt over the tank top. I put on my knee high converse and I grabbed a 'TapOut' jacket. I greeted my dad when I got downstairs and we left.

I realized my hair was still really damp, so I pulled it back into a messy bun. Then I was satisfied (sort of) with how I looked.

"Where to? Your choice." He asked.

"Is 'Heart Cobra' okay?" It wasn't a drive thru or a cheap sit down restaurant, but he smiled at me, and we were heading off.

"Text mom and tell her where to go." he said, so I pulled out my phone and I sent her a brief message:

**From Me: Goin to Heart Cobra for dinner.**

**From Mom: Okay.**

I locked the screen and shoved it back into my jacket pocket. The car ride was silent on our way there, which was only making me shift in my seat and get slightly nervous.

"How was school?" my dad asked.

"Huh? Oh, it was good. I made a couple friends." I smiled.

"Who?" he smiled.

"There was one girl there, her name, well I actually don't know her real name but her nickname is Flash. And then I met a boy named Sora, and we instantly became friends. I also met some girls named Kairi and Namine, a few guys, Axel, Demyx, Zexion, and Luxord."

"A lot of guys wanting to get my baby girl." I cringed when he said girl, but shrugged it off so that he didn't notice.

"Heh, yeah that's true." I smiled. I don't know how he'd react if I told him most of the friends I made are gay.

"So this Sora. What's he like?"

"Sora, well… he has pretty blue eyes, spiky brown hair, he's kind of short. Shorter than me. But he's a freshman so he may not have hit his growth spurt." I wasn't really sure about anything else I should say.

"He sounds interesting." my dad said, happiness in his voice but his smile faded. I shrugged it off.

"And Flash?" he asked.

"She's blonde, about my height, her eyes… were they brown or green..? Anyway, and she's really funny and an amazing artist, just like her sister Namine." I smiled.

"That's awesome." he smiled, then turned the car into the large parking lot of 'Heart Cobra.' "Mom's not here yet, we'll get a table while we wait." my dad said.

"Okay." I replied, and I pulled out my phone. There was a text from Flash waiting for me.

**From Flash: Yo! Riku, ya never texted me back! ~Razor Thunder**

**From Me: Yeah I know. Sorry.**

**From Flash: S'Alright. Hey, you still comin to my place? ~Razor Thunder**

**From Me: Yep. Address?**

**From Flash: 3540 Hollow Drive. ~Razor Thunder**

**From Me: Got it. Thanks. I'm out with my dad. Text me later?**

**Flash: You got it! ~Razor Thunder**

I tucked the phone back into my pocket and the waitress had come at this time. "Are we ready to order?" She asked in a sweet, yet, flirty tone.

"I would like an ice water." my dad answered.

"Mountain Dew, add some cherry flavour to it." I answered.

"Okay, your order will be right out." she said, turning away and back into the kitchen.

"Mom will be here soon. Five minutes." he told me. I nodded, then turned my attention to my cell phone again. It began to vibrate like crazy, which kind of startled me. I looked at the number, actually numbers, and they were unfamiliar.

**From (265)-004-2351: Hey RIKU it's AXEL! ~!Got it Memorized?!~**

**From (265)-532-9955: Riku. It's Zexion. Flash gave us your number. ~ShadowSeeker**

**From (265)-427-4153: Heeeey3 it's Dem-Dem! ~DancingBubbles~**

**From (539)-903-5496: Yo. Luxord here. ~CardsofWisdom~**

All of the signatures showed their uniqueness about them. Axel's was his catch phrase. Zexion is a mischievous dweller of the darkness, Demyx… loves anything that results back to water, and Luxord is really good at cards. Poker is his game.

I saved all of the numbers into my phone, then looked up to see my mother.

"Oh, Chris! Rikku!" I heard, and it was my mom.

"Hey mom." I smiled. She planted a soft kiss on my temple, then kissed my dad.

"Did you guys order a drink for me?"

"I wasn't sure what you wanted." The waitress came back with the drinks.

"Oh! A new person joining? What would you like to drink?"

"Whatever is light on tap." She replied.

"Okay." The waitress said and turned to get her drink. I took a sip of the Mountain Dew. Wasn't exactly like Code Red, but i would survive.

The two of them kind of got lost in chatter, leaving me to text with Zexion and Axel. It was kind of mindless chatter, but Zexion was asking what kind of clothes I buy and from where. Axel was asking about any piercings I wanted.

"Rikku?" My mom asked.

"Yes?" I asked

"Are you sure your voice is okay? Cause you just... Sounded strange on the phone."

"I'm fine. Don't worry." If only I could tell her why...

"Okay." And she turned her full attention to my dad.

It was rather lonesome.

* * *

**Yeah I know it took me a while to actually update. I've been lost in my school work, spring break was hectic cause I had to babysit. But I'm here and this is the next chapter. Took longer than expected, but oh well xD it's also shorter than what I wanted it to be ;n; but I'll try and make future chapters even longer ^_^**

**I'll see you all later **

**~Xander**


	4. Pathetic Love

**Hurray for chapter 4 c: hopefully by the time this is done, it'll be up a lot sooner than from what I did with chapter 3. **

**Anyway, there's just a mixture of events going on now to kind of introduce the family and old friends of Riku a bit better, and to show how Riku is feeling whenever he's with them. So this chapter is probably going to be mostly a filler chapter, but it is important to the story c:**

**Anyway. Stay tuned and enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. Flash is my own character. Don't steal her.**

"I'm not sure what this is gonna be but with my eyes closed all I see is the skyline through the window-" there was a knock at my door. "Come in." It creaked open, and Kadaj was stepping inside. I set my guitar down, and just… glared.

"I didn't know he was coming over. It was spur of the moment. I'm sorry Rikku." he said.

"Doesn't matter. You should've turned him away." I said.

"Well I'm not like that! He's like a big brother to me. He's been your friend since preschool and he had the biggest crush on you. What the hell happened?" he blurted.

"... I can't tell you what happened." No. Impossible. Kadaj wouldn't understand.

"What happened?"

"You wouldn't understand." I spatted at him.

"What wouldn't I understand?"

"Everything!" I was shouting now.

"Rikku, talk to me! I'm right here for you! You're my little sister!" he said.

"Get out." I growled, anger hit me when I heard 'sister.'

"No." he said.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm telling you to get. The fuck. Out." I didn't want to look at him, especially now with that stupid word lingering in my mind again.

"Why should I?" he asked. The… fucking stubborn brat!

"Because it's my room and if you don't leave now I will punch you." My eyes grew stern and they were trying to stare into him and force him away.

It was the way I said it that had made him scoff, turn on his heel, and walk out. I sat back down on the bed and I pressed my face into my knees. I cried all night.

* * *

It was restless again. Being alone with my thoughts and nobody to turn to. 4:14 read the clock, and it was still too early to head over to Flash's place. I didn't want to be a bother to her at this hour in the morning. Sora came to mind, but that boy… I couldn't wake him up for this. He wouldn't understand. As much as I'd love to sneak over to his place right now...

My phone lit up though, and I looked at the screen. Axel was calling. I coughed a little bit and answered. "Hello?" in my guy voice.

"Yo, Riku! Just calling to see if you're awake."

"Well I am if I'm talking to you." I stated, my inner self chuckled at my joke.

"Hahaha very funny. Anyway, I'm up and around and wanted to know if you wanted to grab some ice cream." he said.

"Why me?" I asked.

"Everyone else I know is asleep and I want to get to know you better anyway." It was so tempting. But I couldn't put my shit on correctly by myself…

"I can't. I'm actually trying to go back to sleep." I said.

"Loser. Alright, fine then. Maybe another time." he said.

"Night Axel."

"Later." and we hung up.

I was alone again with my thoughts.

* * *

I was on the road. A bag of my boy clothes and binder next to me and the wig and wig cap in the center console. I was making my way to Flash's place to get ready for school. I was tired, running with only the 3 hours of sleep I had gotten two days ago. It also didn't help that I skipped breakfast.

My clock in the car read 5:48. Just enough time for her and I to get ready for school. I pulled into the driveway and shut off the car, then made my way to the door.

It opened before I could knock, and Flash was pulling me inside. "Hey mister!" she smiled. I smiled back and I gave her the bag of clothes and the wig. She was shirtless, not wearing a bra yet. Her male body looked really slim and nice for her. She had no makeup on either, so she almost looked like a different person.

"My room." and so we went into her room. It was… really dark in there. Skulls, black, band posters, black, steampunk items, black, books that looked to be fictional, oh, and more black. Even the walls were black.

"I hope you don't mind seeing me like this." she said, blushing lightly. And I knew she had meant her male body.

"It's alright." I said, taking off my PJ top that I just wore over here. I unclasped the bra, slipping it off but trying to hide my breasts my crossing my arms in front of them. She giggled at me, then helped me with my binder so that I could go ahead and get dressed.

Today I had a really epic looking shirt. A skeleton garbed in a black cloak holding another skeleton that still had long and pretty brown hair with a blue rose pinned in it. I had my black knee high converse and some dark blue skinny jeans, for men of course.

I dressed myself, making sure that I looked flat enough before I went ahead to put on my wig. Flash turned to me after she had put on the A-cup bra, and she was mesmerized so far by my appearance. "I wonder how you'll look with that male look on your face." she said, sitting me down so that she could get to work.

I still felt weird that I had to fake the bone structure to look who I am, but I suppose that's what you have to do to not be judged. Strange I suppose.

She put the same eyeliner on me as yesterday, only this time she added silver highlights to match my hair colour. I can't say that it's girly, because she made the silver look like fire. But it didn't seem to suit me. It seemed more like an Axel thing.

Axel should do this.

"Mmm…" Flash hummed, very happy with her work. I smiled a bit, but those silver whatever they are were coming off. I have to say though, even with it, I look more like myself than I would without any makeup at all. Going plan made me look like a girl trying to change hair colour. But if you add it… someone else is there. It was such a good feeling because I only knew one person that could own this face, this hair, this body. And he is a strong person, and I know it for a fact.

Riku is that strong person.

"Feel free to help yourself to any food while I get dressed." she said. I took up the offer and put together a bowl of Frosted Flakes mixed with Reese's Puffs. Probably my favorite thing to eat for breakfast. I mean they are my two favorite cereals.

I looked up, and coming downstairs was a small girl. It wasn't Namine, but a little younger. She had long blonde hair that came down to her lower back. Her eyes were brown, same as Flash's.

"Good morning." I said, a mouthful of cereal affecting my voice. The little girl simply waved at me, then went towards Flash's room, which was on the first floor.

"Big brother? Who's the boy in there?" She whispered.

"Sister, and that's my friend Riku." Flash said, coming out of the bedroom with the girl. Flash was wearing black skinny jeans that looked cloudy as well, a black Rolling Stones t-shirt with a forearm fishnet on one hand and a black fingerless glove on the other. Today her lips weren't red, they were more purple fading to black. Her hair was spiked a little to the left again and she was wearing purple eyeshadow with cat eyes. Very strong cat eyes. She even painted her nails it looked like. They were red.

"He's a cute boy..." The girl blushed. I chuckled softly.

"Well maybe you can be his girlfriend when you're older." Flash said.

"When I'm 6?" She asked, her eyes getting wide and a smile growing.

"How about this?" I asked, and she turned her attention to me. "I'll be your friend that'll protect you. Instead of a boyfriend, I'll be like a daddy for you." I said. She smiled brightly, planting a kiss on my cheek.

"I love you papa." She said and hugged me tightly.

I think I could get used to this feeling.

* * *

I again took myself to the store before school to get some Mountain Dew. Flash got herself a fruit punch and a bag of chips. I picked up a coke too, just for Sora. I figured that he'd be tired this morning. A little sugar will do him good.

"Axel broke up with Sora last night." Flash said. I looked over, confused. "You know? That spiky headed dude. Freshman?"

"Yeah I know who you're talking about. But Axel dumped him?" I asked. I knew they were going to, but I thought Sora would've done it.

"Yeah man. But who cares? It's a good thing Axel didn't fuck that kid."

"Why's that?"

"You can't tell? That Sora kid is a fucking whore." _**SLAM!**_ I hit the brakes immediately, turning a bit and turned the hazard lights on.

"You said what?" I asked.

"He's a whore. Trust me, I would know. I dated him last year. Horrible decision. I found out that he was sleeping with other guys when he was dating me. He was also the first person I told about me being a girl. He laughed at me."

Laughed at her…? it's a good thing I didn't tell him, but I mean… Sora… couldn't be that kind of person… could he?

"You like him don't you." I stayed silent. "Don't get involved with him, Riku. You'll be sorry if you do."

I nodded, but my smile was gone.

And this day was going to very grey.

* * *

Kairi was flirting with me again. I'll admit, Kairi is very pretty. Her short red hair makes her eyes have a more vibrant blue colour. Her body is slim and curvy, she wasn't one of those stick figure girls like what I've seen from the freshman lately.

"Ohayo, Riku." Kairi smiled at me. I nodded to her, sitting down at my seat beside her. She stood up and walked to my desk.

"Good morning, Kai." I said.

"So how was Sora?" she asked.

"We played some video games and such. Wasn't anything special really." I said.

"O-Oh!" she blushed a little. Had she expected me to come back with… "other" details? "Well that's good! I'm glad you had fun." she smiled.

"Thanks," I smiled a bit. I turned away from her, beginning to write down the morning notes before the bell rang. Kairi was still standing there beside my desk, staring down. I looked over at her. "Umm…?"

"Um… W-Would you like to go on a date with me tonight?" she asked, looking down at her feet, eyes closed and face heated up with a red blush caressing her cheeks.

I thought about it for a moment. Although I really wanted to get to know Sora better, I still couldn't help but to heed Flash's warning. "_**Don't get involved with him. He's a whore." **_Could Sora really be like that…?

But Kairi was here, sweet and innocent. Very pretty. And she's asking Riku out. Me.

"I'd love to." came my response. She looked up, cheeks still red from before, and her smile was huge. Pearly whites showed through, and she smiled.

"Ah-uhmm… w-well…"

"We'll go to a movie tonight, Kai. I'll pick you up?" I asked.

"Yeah! Uh-" she got out a piece of paper, "Here is my address and my number. Is seven alright?" she asked.

"Perfect." I said, taking the slip of paper and putting it into my Gears of War wallet. I then took out my iPhone and set a reminder for 6:30.

"Thank you so much, Riku!" Kairi smiled, then she sat in her seat and class began.

Maybe avoiding Sora would be easy today.

* * *

I gave the coke to Kairi instead. She loves coke so I wanted to avoid Sora. It'll be hard since I have two classes with him.

In History class though, I sat in the same seat as I did yesterday. Today we were taking notes, so I was able to keep my distance from the boy. I kept watching him though… looking at his boyish charm that was enchanting me. Watching that boy that was enticing my fantasies. Watching the boy that was supposedly a whore.

Maybe he could be my little whore. I could kiss him, please him, and just by my small and ghostly touches with the tips of my nails. Grazing his skin everywhere just by brushing my fingertips along his arm, stomach… I could kiss his neck and find his sweet spot that just makes his body shake and beg for more. I could grip his wrists above his head, pinning him down and toying with his body until he just couldn't take the teasing anymore.

I broke my gaze when he turned his head towards me. It broke the daydream and I continued taking notes in silence.

I still looked at the boy from time to time.

* * *

Zexion found me at lunch, calling me over and we snuck into the library for lunch instead of joining the table. "Why are we in here?"

"Because I wanted to avoid Demyx and Flash. They seem to have silent infatuation and it's disturbing to watch. Axel and Luxord aren't here either, so they can't drown out the chatter. Figured I'd save you from being the third wheel."

"Oh, well thanks."

"So, you're trans too?" Zexion asked. I spatted my drink out some, coughing. "What?"

"Flash didn't tell me either. I just know." he said.

"Wha-?"

"I'm observant and I know the male and female anatomy." he said. "But it took me a little bit to actually realize it." which means that I did a good job.

"Well I've fooled almost all of the teachers, and besides you and Flash, no kid here knows."

"You should invest in a packer. That may be the thing you need to avoid people discovering that you're naturally female." he said.

"A packer?" I asked.

"Look it up. I'm not explaining." I nodded at him, and proceeded with my lunch.

"I've also noticed that you were hanging around with Sora a lot yesterday." he said.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"I'm in guitar class with you. I just hide myself very easily, so most of the time you don't know I'm there." he said. That's… a little creepy I'll admit.

"Oh." I said. "How about I sit with ya today." I said.

"Sure."

That kind of ended the talking, so I ate my lunch, he ate his, then we went back to the table and waited for the bell to ring. Next class, I had guitar class with Sora, Tidus, and Zexion.

Tidus…

I'm still really skeptical about being in the same school with my cousin. I fucking hate that guy too… The water park last year. I had such a great day that day, until we came home…

"_How was the water park?" my mom asked us when we arrived. My blonde hair was still damp and I was changed into a pair of booty shorts, a black tank top, and my purple flip flops. _

"_Cold and wet." Tidus and I said at the same time, giggling when we did._

"_Great! Dinner's in the oven, it'll be ready in 20 minutes." _

"_Thanks." I said, and I went upstairs to get into some more comfortable pants. I headed for my drawers and I was searching for my black sweat pants and some socks. Couldn't seem to find them._

_That's when things turned wrong that day._

_I felt hands ghosting along my hips, and something had been pressed up against my ass. I was startled, and stood quickly, turning to push away the attacker, seeing Tidus standing there. I froze, and it was enough time for him to grab my wrists and throw me onto the bed. I was still in frozen mood and hadn't realized until my mouth was taped shut that he was doing something wrong._

_And he had shut and locked the door. He was unbuttoning the shorts on me and slid them down enough to see that I had just put them on, forgetting about any kind of underwear. His smirk was increasing. He lifted the tank top over my head so that I couldn't see him. He held my wrists down with one hand while the other slid my shorts off._

_He could see me. Could see everything. And I was crying so much and I couldn't scream or call for help._

_He was going to rape me._

_And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it._

_The black shirt made it impossible for me to see anything in my room that would offer slight comfort. I could only see into the darkness of the shirt. _

_I heard his belt unfasten and his pants slide off. Nononononononononononono._

_And he shoved inside, tearing me apart. My vocal cords vibrating and I couldn't bring out any noise above a muffled whisper. The door was locked anyway, and everyone was downstairs. I was alone, being hurt by my once favourite cousin._

_In the darkness._

The bell rang, and I felt my eyes sting a little from the past memory. I walked myself to the guitar class and I was beside Zexion. He had lead me into the dark curtains, notifying the teacher I would be there with him. I wasn't going to ask how he did it, so I just sat in the darkness with him, turning on the flashlight I had on my phone. I didn't like the darkness...

So I just sat there and strummed a soft tune on my guitar, something I had learned last year. What was it? I think it was something by John Cale. I wasn't sure though. But someone on the other side of the curtain could hear me play, and they started to sing along with the strum of my guitar.

"I've heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased The Lord,

But you don't really care for music, do you?

It goes like this

The fourth, the fifth

The minor fall, the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah…"

The voice was coming closer to the spot Zexion and I were sitting in. Hands were forcing the curtain to flutter, and coming from the shadows was that blue eyed boy.

Sora.

"I didn't know you could play like that." he smiled softly when he saw me. I simply shrugged at him, moving the guitar off my lap so that it was leaning against the wall. Sora sat down next to me. "You're so good. Why did you take this class?" he asked.

"Because I like to show off." I shrugged again. I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse so that was the first thing I said.

"Well… you're really good." he said. I nodded, gave him my thanks, and pulled out my cell phone.

"Oh! I forgot! I never did give you my numbe-"

"It's fine." I stood up. "I don't give my number out so easily anyway." I said, locking the screen again and shoving it back into my pocket.

"Um… okay… w-well, here's my number anyway." he pulled a notebook out and ripped a corner piece off. Written on the page were seven digits. **354-0198**

"Thanks. You may not get a message from me for a while though." I said.

"That's okay…" he smiled, then turned back to sit by Tidus.

I tore up the paper.

* * *

I excused myself during my guitar class to head to the bathroom. I don't care what Flash would say, I don't wear makeup. Which is why I left and went to the boys bathroom and scrubbed it all off. It was actually waterproof, so it took me five minutes to get it almost all the way off.

Ugh. It really sucked.

The door opened, and in came Sora.

"What did I do to you Riku?" he asked, hands on his hips and looking at me with a stern face.

"Forget about it." I said, shrugging the look off.

"C'mon, don't give me that! I thought we were going to be friends!" Sora shouted.

"Sora…" I growled.

"It was Flash wasn't it. He told you something didn't he." Hearing that made me shudder. I grew furious with him. I had walked towards him, and Sora had backed up against the wall. My hands up against the wall on either side of his head, trapping him.

"And so what if Flash told me something? Maybe I just don't like the fact that you are being disrespectful of her." I said, looking him straight in the eyes. A devilish gaze, sharp and stabbing straight into his head.

"R-Riku…" he tried to push me away to break free, but I was stronger.

"Have you ever lied or cheated on someone?" I asked. I got him, because his face dropped.

"... once."

"Was it Flash?" I asked.

"...yes." he slumped to the ground, burying his face into his knees and he was trying to cry quietly.

"I-I… thought Flash was a boy, and when he said that he was going to become a girl, I just… I don't know… I don't like girls. I don't have a problem with transgenders at all." he looked up at me. I stood still, and I knew that I needed to tell him. If I wanted to be his friend, he needed to know.

"Sora…" I whispered softly.

"Y-Yeah..?" he asked.

"I...I'm…" I sighed. I couldn't bring myself to say it… not yet. "I'm sorry." and I hugged the frail boy. He cried in my arms.

I'll tell him eventually.

* * *

**Finally. I had to rewrite this chapter twice now _ but I got it done :D I hope you enjoyed this chapter! (Pssst. I have a bunch of little one shots I'm writing, and I'm about to work on two other SoRiku stories :0)**

**Yeah I don't plan on letting Sora know until later ;) haha aww and no SoRiku feels for a while. Sad panda! Maybe I'll write another one shot to keep you guys satisfied. **

**Yes, for a few chapters, there will be some RikuxKairi stuff. But I definitely plan on something big that happens, which will be the cause for them to break up and Riku to start hanging out with Sora waaaaay more. BUT not telling ^_^ the time will come when we discover what happens :o**

**Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good week so far. See you next time!**

**~Xander**


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